FAQ’s

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Why does Standing Stone Ministry only have one couple at a time at its retreats?

Standing Stone Ministry cares for ministry couples one couple at a time. Intimacy and openness are not the same when there is more than one couple in attendance. Our personal settings allow for individual concerns to be addressed without embarrassment or shame. It is also a wonderful opportunity for couples to spend time together without the distraction of their family, ministry or other obligations. It allows guests to feel special and exclusively cherished. At the same time it establishes an atmosphere to begin a meaningful and life changing mentor/mentee relationship.

2. Why does Standing Stone Ministry have so many beautiful locations for their retreats?

All of Standing Stone homes are in serene locations that are peaceful and picturesque where couples can enjoy each other as well as God’s beauty. They are in environments that are conducive for prayer and the reflection of God’s goodness. Outside activities are offered that are adventurous, exciting, and fun. There are also many quiet areas that allow time for much needed rest and relaxation. For an entire week guests are completely removed from the pressures and demands of their daily lives. Please see our reservation page as new sites are being added to our locations list.

3. What do you mean when you say “hosted with excellence”?

Visiting couples are hosted with excellence. Standing Stone Ministry is there to serve those who have dedicated their life to serving others. Couples are instructed upon arrival that this is a special week for them to be served. It is a time and place to receive, relax and enjoy. Guests are not allowed to clear the table or even pour their own cup of coffee. This is a week for them to exercise their receiving hand which is usually very out of shape. Before coming to Standing Stone, guests receive an in depth questionnaire for food and beverage likes and dislikes as well as any food allergies. A full week’s menu is prepared in advance and designed to meet the couple’s desires and any special dietary needs. Standing Stone Ministry prides itself on the preparation and serving of delicious and healthy meals. All the meals are shared together with the mentor couple in a time of relaxed, uninterrupted conversations.

4. What do you mean when you say “mentored with love”?

Visiting couples are mentored with love. Because of their own distinctive experiences, mentor couples understand the unique problems that ministry couples encounter. The relaxed and informal setting allows opportunity for communication and interaction. The mentor’s begin by sharing their own personal stories openly and honestly. Then as couples begin to unpack their lives, they are listened to with sympathy and empathy in a non-judgmental way. The mentors are not clinical counselors trained to treat those suffering from addictions or deep rooted problems. Issues may come up that need professional counseling, in which case couples are referred to a recommended therapist. The visiting ministry couples are treated with compassion, honesty, integrity and respect. All conversations and interactions are held in strict confidence. Ministry couples have many difficult challenges. It can affect their marriage as well as their relationship with their children and friends. Ministry leaders also have the challenge of working with their staff, board, and congregation. Often they are feeling alone and hopeless with nowhere to turn for help. As the week unfolds the mentors have usually earned the trust of the couple by being transparent, honest, understanding, compassionate, and concerned. The ministry couples are encouraged to embrace hope for their future dreams, goals and desires. They are given insights and tools to help them see a way through the chaos and complexities of their lives. By the end of their stay, the two couples have become close and trusted friends. Following their visit to Standing Stone Ministry most of the guests continue an ongoing relationship with their mentors. The mentors look at these opportunities from God with humility and honor, by being allowed to help shepherd the shepherds.

5. Who can come to a Standing Stone Ministry retreat?

Standing Stone Ministry serves full-time Christian ministry leaders and their spouses. This includes pastors, vocational ministry leaders, and missionaries. These leaders main purpose is to be a shepherd. It’s their job to guide and direct their flock in a caring, understanding, and loving way. But where do they go for guidance, care, understanding and love? They often live a in a fishbowl world where all of their actions are observed and scrutinized. People put them on a pedestal and expect them and their family to be perfect. Ministry leaders are expected to know all the answers, be dynamic speakers, sensitive counselors, excellent fund raisers, powerful leaders and much more. They often work 60 to 70 hours a week (yet don’t get paid for over-time) to try to meet all of their responsibilities. However, they still can’t get everything done that is expected of them. With all of their demands they have little time or energy left for themselves, their marriage or family. It’s very difficult for them to tell others that their life is full of often debilitating pressure. Studies show that ministry leaders have few close friends. They have a difficult time finding someone that they trust enough to share their dreams, hopes, and struggles. Their spouses are also under tremendous strain. Spouses often feel guilty, resentful and angry because of the pressure placed upon them and their family. It is little wonder that so many ministry leaders burnout and that their marriages fail.

6. When was Standing Stone Ministry started?

In 2002, Jim and Debbie Hogan built a log home on the Navajo River in Southwest Colorado to serve ministry leaders and their spouses. They named their home Standing Stone Ranch. Each year a selected number of couples visit them for a week. Standing Stone Ranch is a ministry for couples who desire a healthy relationship and a more intimate walk with God. The ranch is in a pristine location that is peaceful and picturesque where couples can enjoy each other as well as God’s beauty. It is in an environment that is conducive for prayer and reflection of God’s goodness. Outside activities are offered that are adventurous, exciting, and fun. They engage in activities they rarely, if ever, get to do. There is also a hammock on the deck to allow time for much needed rest and relaxation. For seven days they are completely removed from the pressures and demands of their daily lives. The vision is to expand upon what God has begun at Standing Stone Ranch. This endeavor is called Standing Stone Ministry. Looking at the key success factors of Standing Stone Ranch it is evident that they can be duplicated. The objective is to find pristine locations, excellent hosts, and loving mentors to recreate the Standing Stone Ranch experience. The challenge is to grow the new ministry in a thoughtful way that will have the same outcome.

7. How much does a Standing Stone Ministry retreat cost?

The current fee for a week’s stay is $2,500 per couple including all meals and activities. This fee does not include travel expense. Standing Stone Ministry understands each couple is unique and that you are coming from different financial means. Therefore, some may be unable to pay the full amount. However, we do believe the week will be more valuable to you if you can pay what your income level will allow. Some ministries set up special funds to attend this type of retreat, but many do not. There is limited scholarship assistance available. Standing Stone Ministry does not want to be an economic burden on any ministry couple. If you need financial assistance in order to attend please indicate so when filling out the reservation form. If you are interested in helping our ministry couples with scholarships or other economic means please visit our donate page.

8. What are the qualifications’ of Standing Stone Ministry mentors?

The majority of Standing Stone Mentors have years of ministry experience so they really “get it”, which lets them relate intimately with ministry couples. These mentors have the knowledge, wisdom and charter to understand that they don’t have all the answers. They embrace that mentoring is an unselfish relationship in which they are to help their mentees reach his/hers God given potential. Standing Stone Mentors don’t act as life coaches or in a discipleship role. An important aspect of their responsibility is to be diligent in guiding discussion away from ‘What shall I do?’ toward ‘Who do I intend to be for God?’ Standing Stone Mentors guide personal development by formulating and asking questions that trigger responsive thought. The most important aspect of being a Standing Stone mentor is the passion and desire to Shepherd the Shepherds. Each mentor couple is trained and certified by Standing Stone Ministry.

9. What do visitors of Standing Stone Ministry have to say?

“Anyone desiring to get away from it all for a time of reflection, rest and re-newel would do well to attend a week at Standing Stone. The mentoring couples were very sensitive to our needs and truly wanted our experience to be one of strengthening for our journey ahead. The facilities and atmosphere were the best ever. It provided an extremely relaxed atmosphere with a variety of activities to fit our needs. Our mentors were more than willing to do whatever it took to make our stay as productive as possible. The highlight of our stay was the personal time that they both gave to us. We greatly benefited from being able to draw from their years of experience in working in church and their under-standing of what church life is all about. If anyone is contemplating spending a week at Standing Stone, I would encourage you to do so as soon as possible. You will not be disappoint-ed. The end result of your stay will be to have met two of the finest people anywhere.” Norm & Bobbe, Washington Vocational Ministry President

10. Why was Standing Stone Ministry started?

Jesus mentored His disciples, and they changed the world. Standing Stone’s purpose is to nurture and encourage ministry couples. The goal is to build strong ministry leaders. Strong ministry leaders create strong followers of Jesus, and strong followers of Jesus advance the Kingdom of God. As these leaders are revitalized they, in turn, revitalize their followers.
They affect multitudes of people, and those multitudes of people affect multitudes and the ripple just keeps going. The ultimate return is enormous. Healthy shepherds have healthy flocks. Healthy flocks change the world.

11. How can I support Standing Stone Ministry?

An individual making an investment in a ministry leader’s life is making an investment in countless people. As the leaders are revitalized they, in turn, revitalize their followers. Healthy shepherds have healthy flocks. Standing Stone Ministry is funded by generous gifts from friends like you. Standing Stone is a ministry of Priority Living, Inc. a 501(c)-3 non-profit organization. Your gifts are tax-deductible and a receipt will be issued via mail to the address provided. Thank you in advance for your contribution. Please make your payable to; Standing Stone Ministry.

12. How can I lend my vacation home for a Standing Stone Ministry retreat?

Standing Stone Ministry is extremely thankful for the many vacation homes, across the country that people have graciously donated for Standing Stone Retreats. Some have donated their home for a week while others have donated their home for a number of weeks. These wonderful gifts allow ministry couples to come to a special location for their Standing Stone Retreat that is removed from the pressures and demands of their daily lives. To meet the demands in serving ministry couples, Standing Stone Ministry is looking for more serene locations for future retreats. These should be homes that are peaceful and picturesque where our ministry couples can enjoy each other as well as God’s beauty. If you have a vacation home you would like to use for this ministry and or want to learn more about donating it for a week or two for a Standing Stone Retreat please contact us so one of our representatives can provide you with the details.

13. What does “The elephant in the room” mean?

“The elephant in the room” is an English metaphorical idiom for an obvious truth that is being ignored or goes unaddressed. The idiomatic expression also applies to an obvious problem or risk no one wants to discuss.

Ministry couples are “the elephants in the room”. Peter Drucker says, “The four hardest jobs in America (not necessarily in order) are: President of the United States, a university president, a hospital CEO, and a pastor.” Many governing boards of churches and Christian organizations have an “elephant in the room”. Statistics show that the risks to these ministry couples are overwhelming. Many are dangerously close to burnout and their marriages are in peril. The media loves to print the “juicy stories” when a Christian leader falls. The impact on the organization is devastating. In some cases it can be the demise of the organization. The economic loss is often times enormous, but the biggest loss is to the Kingdom. Standing Stone is addressing “the elephant in the room” in two ways. First, by bringing aware-ness to the board rooms that their leaders, as well as their spouses, may be in danger and that they need to be nurtured and supported. Second, by offering the ministry couples a mentoring relationship that begins with a Standing Stone retreat.

14. How do I make a reservation?

Because of busy schedules, it is important to arrange a retreat well in advance. Our standard week’s stay is six nights and seven days. All retreats begin on a Monday afternoon and end the following Sunday morning. To select your retreat please visit our reservation page which will include all available locations and dates.

15. What is the ‘THE PRINCE CHARMING SYNDROME’?

I married ‘Prince Charming’! But I didn’t realize that I had to clean up after his horse.” Lee Ezell A Pastors’ wife carries a heavy load of responsibility as she cares for her family, her husband, and people in the church, as well as participate in the activities of the ministry and community. The expectations of the local church are very high for a pastor’s wife and family. Ninety-four percent feel under pressure to have the “ideal” family. The church expects them to be involved on every level: music, Bible studies, women’s and children’s ministries, hospitality, outreach, etc. How does a pastor’s wife live up to the high expectations of the church? Upward of 80% of pastors’ wives feel somewhat left out by their mate and unappreciated by the church and 80% of pastors and 84% of their spouses are discouraged or are dealing with depression. They often feel overworked, unloved and underpaid. Very few ministry wives are involved in the decision-making of the church, yet they are expected to attend, host, and/or lead many activities. They are considered an integral part of the package deal the church receives when the pastor is hired, but are not often paid or compensated let alone be given room or freedom to air their feelings and desires. Over 80% of pastors’ wives feel unqualified and discouraged about their position. When they experience the expectations of the church they may feel totally unprepared to fulfill the responsibilities thrust upon them. Some wives simply decide they will stay home, away from the eyes of the church, or seek a job outside of the ministry in order to be themselves thusly putting themselves out of the critical view of the brethren. Discouragement and burnout happen to pastors’ wives just as often as to pastors. More than 40% of pastors and 47% of their spouses report that they are suffering from burnout, frantic schedules and unrealistic expectations. Many pastors’ wives simply yearn for an uncritical, listening ear; someone they can pour out their feelings to with no fear of condemnation or reprisal. They long for a safe place to vent their frustrations and feel loved and accepted just as they are. They long for grace-based members of Christ’s body to reach out to them and make a difference in their personal lives so that they can go back into their local church situation with renewed hope and joy.
Standing Stone mentors understand the plight of these very special women. A week retreat is just the beginning of a mentoring relationship to help them deal with the “Prince Charming” syndrome. Statistics provided by The Fuller Institute, George Barna, and Pastoral Care Inc.

16. What do you mean “Mentors Are Gifts”?

The week spent at a Standing Stone retreat is an opportunity for ministry couples to experience many things but none more important than the chance to develop an authentic, trusted relationship. They may come as strangers but they leave as friends. Hopefully the friendship will last for a long time. However, it is trust that allows for a true mentoring connection.

What follows is a brief introduction by Dr. Walter Wright, Jr. on mentoring from his book: The Gift of Mentors.

What do mentors look for in a person in whom they will invest themselves? Seven characteristics suggest themselves to me:
1. Unrealized potential, undeveloped possibilities;
2. Curiosity and a hunger to learn;
3. Strength of character;
4. Shared values in life;
5. Reflective thinking and self-assessment;
6. Willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own growth;
7. Energy, purpose and hope.

The elements or ingredients that make a good mentor may differ from person to person and perhaps will even change over the time frame of one’s life. As we move through our own life journey we may look for different experiences or perspectives in a mentor. Mentors know when to listen and when to talk. They may bring a network of resources. They may offer particular skill in an area that needs development. They are respected broadly and they encourage those around them. At the core however, I believe there are certain characteristics that I would always seek in a prospective mentor:

• wisdom, strength of character
• shared values, accumulated experiences
• continued learning
• reflective articulation on life
• accessibility

Mentors are a gift; and they provide the gift of sanctuary — the opportunity to withdraw from the pressure of daily work and life and reflect on what is happening. In this reflective relationship the mentoree slows down, reviews life’s journey and nurtures the self-knowledge that is important to growth. Watching the mentors in my life I have learned that mentoring is about mentors sharing themselves with someone to whose growth and success they are committed. It is an investment of the mentor’s very self, a sharing of his or her values. It is not a cloning process — not even the cloning of the mentor’s values. The focus of mentoring relationships should always be on the one being mentored. The objective of the relationship is the growth and maturity of the mentoree into realization of his or her potential. Mentors create sanctuary and provide feedback, share themselves and offer perspective so that the mentorees can become the persons they choose to be.

Mentoring is needed by every leader. Leadership is a precarious responsibility. As Max De Pree says, it is a serious meddling in other people’s lives. Leaders need wisdom. They need perspective. They need accountability. This is the role mentors play. Every leader needs one or more mentors to provide the depth of reflection necessary to sustain vision and energy for leadership. I also believe every leader needs to serve as a mentor — because the mentor learns as much from the process as the one being mentored. Teachers have long known that the teacher learns more than the student. This may well be true for mentors also. The gift of mentoring causes intentional reflection and keeps the mentor thinking about life, leadership, vision and values and holds up a mirror to keep us accountable to the priorities to which we are committed. Everyone needs a mentor. And everyone needs to be a mentor.

17. What are some of the facts about ministry couples?

• Approximately 1,500 pastors leave their assignments each month, due to moral failure, spiritual burnout or contention within their local congregations.
• More than 70% of pastors do not have a close friend with whom they can openly share their struggles.
• The dominant cause for pastors to leave the pastoral ministry is burnout. Number two is moral failure.
• 80% of pastors believe the pastoral ministry has negatively affected their families.
• 94% felt under pressure to have the “ideal” family.
• 70% indicated their compensation contributed to marriage conflicts.