The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands, the foolish one tears hers down. Proverbs 14:1
What do you do when you feel pressure building up inside of you? Do you have a healthy way of letting off some of that steam, or are you like the foolish woman (Men, this doesn’t exclude you; it could easily have been written foolish man!) who spews out her poison to the detriment of her own house? All of us have unwisely “vented” on our spouse, and much like a pressure cooker or volcano, have burned everyone around–including ourselves! What do we do with that pressure? How do we safely vent? The short answer is – find a safe person to vent to! Do you have a friend or acquaintance that walks in grace and mercy? Do you know someone who gives wise, godly counsel and lives an exemplary life? That is probably a safe person. Be careful about choosing a relative or best friend. They often have your best interest at heart and find it hard to forgive your spouse for causing you to feel such pressure. The ultimate goal is to be able to vent to your spouse without it doing damage. Communicate that desire with him/her and together decide when the time is right.
Think about your friends, acquaintances, and people in your church. Do any of them fit the criteria for a safe venting partner? Once you narrow the field down, take that list to your spouse and ask his/her opinion. If you both agree, then give that person(s) a call or set up a time to meet and ask them to be your venting partner. Explain that you don’t need to be “fixed”– you just need a listening ear at times. It might take a little time to accomplish this exercise, but the results will be well worth the trouble. Having the ability to release a little steam is very healthy for you, your spouse, and your marriage. One caveat: It is unwise to vent to someone of the opposite sex as it is too easy to transfer intimate feelings to a man or woman who “understands us”.
Preparing Your Heart and Mind
Suggested Prayer: Heavenly Father, please give me wisdom as I seek to find a safe person to go to when I am feeling pressure building up inside me. I want to be wise in my choice. Ultimately, I want to be able to vent safely with my spouse without it hurting him/her. Amen.